If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve already watched Tiger King, tried your hand at being a Tik Tok dancer, or perhaps staring up at the ceiling of your bedroom simply isn’t cutting it anymore.
This piece is dedicated to the activities I have tried and recommend in order to pass the time during the pandemic.
1. Write a play and force your friends to perform it with you via Zoom.
This is my King Lear. Zoom has given a brand new platform to use to force our friends to hang out with us. My plan was to write a dramatic play based on the friendship of my gal pals, and in my personal opinion, it deserves a Tony Award. The best part is that you can also record your Zoom meetings, meaning your art is available to come back to forever. Zoom has awoken a new era of creativity and you’re here to witness it in real-time.
2. Learn how to stand on a skateboard, though you may be the most unbalanced person alive.
I am not known for my balance. If anything, I am known for the opposite. That being said, I have made it my mission to learn to at least stand on a skateboard. Originally I was extremely unmotivated to even try to find our old skateboard in the garage and haunted by the memory of the Yu-Gi-Oh themed artwork on the bottom of it. I had discovered a Time magazine cover of a woman doing a handstand on a skateboard during the first semester of this year, and I don’t believe I have ever seen something so cool in my life. It was Patti McGee, the first professional female skateboarder and I think I’d be doing a disservice to her if I didn’t try to at least learn to stay on the board.
For my next trick, I will learn how to kickflip. I’m coming for your legacy, Tony Hawk.
3. Teach your dog how to count.
According to an article on PsychologyToday.com, simple counting is “an ability that dogs frequently demonstrate.” That seems promising. Place your dog in front of you with 3 cups facing down between yourself and the dog, like you’re a street performer about to swindle the canine out of $20. Place treats underneath each of the cups. Then, take all of the treats and put them underneath one cup. The give the dog two treats. The dog should expect a third because it has seen it before. Congratulations, your dog can count to 3. This can also work with cats or gerbils, though I haven’t tested that theory yet.
This experiment was so successful that my dog, Dolly Parton, can now play Yahtzee.
4. Watch far too many Bon Appetit Test Kitchen videos before proceeding to try and ferment everything in your fridge.
Have you ever tried to ferment a banana? I would strongly advise against doing so. However, getting to eat your own sourdough bread is a joy only surpassed perhaps by giving birth to your firstborn child. I have no children, however, so sourdough is as good as it gets. To get you in the right headspace, Bon Appetit has exactly what you need to become the sourdough sorcerer you are.
I may soon evolve into my final form as a white person and try to make my own kombucha.
5. Make your own muppet.
Oh, I’m sorry, you underestimated just how bonkers this pandemic has made me. As strange as it may seem, there are a myriad of resources available online to help you in your muppet making journey. The best part about having your own muppet is that you would be able to recreate the iconic Man Or Muppet sequence from The Muppet Movie. What’s not to love?
6. Make up your own sport.
ESPN The Ocho doesn’t exist for nothing. In the past couple of weeks with the help of my younger brother, Hank, we have created “Rugby Basketball”, which follows all of the normal rules of rugby, except you have to shoot the rugby ball into an NBA height regulation hoop. I also believe that “Slide Whistle Karate” has potential, but no one has enough faith in me yet to test it out. Get creative with your made-up sports. No one is there to judge you about it anyways.
7. Make various memes regarding your situation.
Sometimes, the best way to understand your own situation is to make fun of it. I have recently found the goldmine that is @templates_for_memes on Instagram, which means I can make as many memes related to my brief time on Tulane’s campus (about 2 months) as I want. Below, you will see my situation depicted concisely into 4 panels. It’s truly riveting.
8. Force your father to “DJ” in your living room which consists of him randomly changing the CDs in the CD player and not taking any requests.
It’s basically The Boot in your home! No requests! Poorly timed transitions! Songs that don’t fit your music taste! Bonus points if he claims that he’s “just trying to steer you in the right direction musically.” My personal favorite from our collection, The Wiggles’ nautically themed album, Wiggle Bay! A true classic.
9. Learn to sew, but only truly understand how to make masks because you’re learning how to sew during a pandemic.
I’d like to thank my grandmother, Audrey, for surprising me with a sewing machine when I got home from school 2 months early. I want to acknowledge that not everyone has the means to have a sewing machine and that I am extremely appreciative of my new piece of machinery. If you do have the access to such a thing, making masks for your community, local hospitals, or those in need can be a way to not only pass the time but also help those around you. This will also give you a skill that I believe is very useful in life and could spark a hobby that you didn’t even know you would enjoy!
@RockinBClothing on Instagram has made a wonderful step by step tutorial located on her IGTV that I have followed and I highly recommend you check it out.
10. Watch the entirety of both the Bill Nye: The Science Guy television show and The Magic School Bus television show from the 90s.
Bill Nye is perhaps the only man I can trust in this cruel world, and I might as well learn a little something while I sit in my house. Along with the countless hours I’ll get to spend with Ms. Frizzle, you may see me changing my major to some sort of science-related field very soon. Full episodes from both shows are on YouTube for your viewing pleasure.
While we may be stuck in our homes, don’t forget to contact your friends, call your relatives, and do whatever you need to do in order to get through this. Stay safe and Roll Wave.
Cover Photo: Mercedes Ohlen