There is a lot of weird stuff on eBay, and there is a lot of weird Tulane-themed merchandise. Subsequently, the two must merge at some point. I am always amazed at what some people are willing to sell, but it often provides me with the serotonin I need to survive another day of Media Analysis class, so I hope to God that people continue to sell Tulane-themed products. 

We are ranking each item on a scale of 1-5 Mikey Mikes, with 1 being “okay” and 5 being “FITTS-TASTIC”.

A good start to the list, but I have to ask… why? What is the reason for these pants? Who designed them? I would maybe understand a Tulane-themed Hawaiian shirt, but pajama bottoms were a very odd choice. I have to give them credit for being unique, I suppose. I’m also curious why there are two available for sale from this person. I can understand one, but two pairs of obscure Tulane Hawaiian print women’s pajama pants seems a little too specific. 3/5 Mikey Mikes.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a sucker for vintage novelties such as this, so I actually think these are very fun. The price is delightful, they look to be in pretty good condition, and I can only imagine why someone would be selling these, let alone why they would have them in the first place.

I’m imagining something dramatic, like a college relationship that has gone south in the last 15 years. They met on the quad or maybe they were sitting on the steps of Newcomb waiting for fate to intervene. They make eye contact- it’s subtle but full of surprise- and they quickly look away. Were they really going to meet their soulmate on Tulane’s campus? Absolutely. They get married, they have kids, they come into possession of 4 plastic Tulane cups, perhaps from some sort of sports game. The cups represent more than a vessel for liquid, they represent the love that they shared. But things have started to go wrong. Long nights at work away from each other before eventually the flame burns out. The cups are put on eBay. Love is dead.

But I don’t know, maybe they were just moving. Could be either one. 5/5 Mikey Mikes.

I think that trucker hats should have a comeback. I have a vague memory of very trendy girls wearing them a few years ago, but I think that they need to be the hot new item of 2021. We need to all fully commit to an aesthetic that I believe is the right choice. I love the colors on this hat and I think that it’s in great condition assuming that it’s from the ‘80s or ‘90s. The price isn’t horrible, the memories are everlasting, and the style you will have if you purchase this hat will be astronomical. 5/5 Mikey Mikes.

I am not joking when I say that I trust these 3 people with my life. I wish I could talk to them now, because they seem like the kind of people that I should have as friends. For only $19.99, you can have a delightful photo of some of Tulane’s past thespians, but I think that the joy in their eyes is priceless. 5/5 Mikey Mikes.

I actually am considering this purchase. As cheap as it looks, I have a weird desire to stick it to my school distributed microfridge so that I can see the pain in my eyes when I make pizza rolls at 2am. For sure not worth $18.99, but that’s perhaps the fun of it. Also, there are 30 of these available for some reason, so enough for the squad and then some. I’m going to give it a solid 3/5 Mikey Mikes.

This one is an odd choice. I tried to make a “Congrats, it’s a business major” joke about this to my roommate, but she was less than impressed. Says that it could just be that the parents met at Tulane. I think it’s funnier if they’re just prophesying their newborn’s college path. 2/5 Mikey Mikes.

I am so extremely curious about this contraption on the A Quad of the past. Allegedly, it had something to do with the architecture students, which honestly doesn’t surprise me in the slightest. Also, anything is better than the metal “bead trees” that now obstruct our views. 2/5 Mikey Mikes because I’m upset that this isn’t still out there.

I am absolutely obsessed with this hat. The simplicity is flawless, it’s almost commercial. It gives me big “World’s Best Dad”-hat-on-a-person-who-is-clearly-not-a-father vibes, and I love it. I think it could go with any outfit (within reason), and it may teach those who see you in it that we have a golf team. Who knew?

5/5 Mikey Mikes.

Cover Photo: Mercedes Ohlen