Dear Freshmen! Listen Up.

To all you Freshmen out there,

I take great honor in warmly welcoming all of you to the most magical city in the world. You have finally made it to college, better yet, you have finally made it to Tulane! As you settle into your new surroundings, you will begin to see what freedom feels like. No more curfew, parental supervision, or chores to be done. No one telling you not to hit The Boot every night of the week, and no one pulling you out of bed to make sure you get to class the following morning. You’ve heard it before, and you will hear it again: these next four years will be some of the most incredible years of your life.

That being said, you, my dear freshmen friends, don’t know shit about being a college student (yet). Let alone what it takes to be a Tulane student — it will take you at least 2+ years to master this art. Syllabus week is upon us, and the real fun is about to begin. So let me cut to the chase and dive into what you’re really here to learn. Navigating the social scene can be daunting and this may be the first time your experiencing hook-up culture. Here are the things I know now that I wish I knew then.

 

  1. DO NOT get involved with someone who has strings attached to someone at home; this will never turn out well. And vice versa, if you are the one with strings attached DO NOT drag a third party into your soon-to-be shit-show drama. Instead, do the right thing and end it with your long-distance S.O. before pursuing another… please! 
     
  2. DO NOT write anybody off too soon. You never know what they’ll be like one, two, three years from now when you run into them again in your senior year capstone. Better yet, you don’t know who you’re going to be in three years. 
     
  3. DO look around your classes for your next scheme. Even if you couldn’t care less about the course, or you think most of the kids are goofy (which they very well may be) you really never know who you might meet. As of this past spring, I became a strong advocate for looking around the classroom for your next POI. A classroom crush is the most unexpected of treats, and just the perfect bait to keep you going back to your 8 AM lecture after many Thursday night F&M’s escapades. Even if all you get from this is the opportunity to meet people outside your day-to-day social circle, you’ll still be winning in my book; class friends are some of the best friends.

    Scheme:
    the act of pursuing interactions with a person with the intentions of dating
    them/hooking up (Urban Dictionary lol)
    POI: person of interest
     
  4. DO avoid dating close to where you live… trust me on this one: do not shit where you eat. I am not going to get into a personal antidote here, but believe me; this is never a good idea. That being said, this 100% will happen to the majority of you, so when it does please handle the situation gracefully. Maybe this person will be your long-term S.O., but the odds are pretty high that one of you will ghost the other. You will then be faced with seeing this person everywhere you go: in the stairwell, the common room, outside the dorm. You will not be able to escape. The list of possible places for a run-in with your last night’s bang on campus alone is infinite, so try your best to keep your living quarters off that list. 
     
  5. DO NOT be that roommate that brings home a new “friend” every night of the week. No one wants to wake up in the middle of the night to a random, frat-boy’s d*ck in their face, nor to the sound of you rustling around in your sheets. No matter how much you may end up despising your roommate (there are always a few who do) it is a shared space so act like a decent human being and have some respect, people! 
     
  6. DO engage in casual sex! NOTE: only partake in this behavior if it is what YOU want. If you choose to do so, please proceed safely. You should never participate in this behavior for anyone else’s approval or acceptance. I sure as hell won’t be the one to judge you, but if anyone does, remember these types of people are simply jealous, petty, bitches and a total waste of your precious time and energy. 
     
  7. With the above being said, please DO NOT be the one that expects a relationship from any of these endeavors. As you are now a Tulane student, you should know that people move on extremely quickly around here. If you’re the type to take a harmless ghosting personally, try to take it gracefully and move along. Rest assured: this will happen and it will happen to every single one of you — even that ~Instagram influencer~ down the hall. She’s not special. 
     
  8. Most importantly: DO NOT leave your friends or go home with a person you don’t know. “But I know where they live on campus; they’re a good person; I know what I am doing” you might say. No, sweetie, you’re most likely drunk and that isn’t a good idea. This city can be dangerous, and you don’t know your surroundings well yet. Just because you made out with this individual all night does not make this person any more familiar. We have all been there. We have all said the same thing. Safety first! 
     

Take my advice or don’t, I really don’t care as your actions have zero effect on me as a senior. But, if there is one takeaway I hope you get from this article, it’s that none of the above actually matters. The most important thing for your freshmen year, as corny as it sounds, is to strive for personal growth, make friendships that will last a lifetime, and memories that will always make you smile.

 

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