I would like to start off by telling anyone reading this that it’s okay. Today, a tiny sentiment such as this wields an immense amount of power. As we deal with the ripple effects of COVID-19 and its many global repercussions, everything continues to feel far from normal. So please, remind yourself that it’s okay.
I never knew what it felt like for time to stop entirely until now. You know what I mean. Every day goes a little something like this: You wake up, trudge down to the kitchen, pour a cup of lukewarm coffee that your mom made, and head right back upstairs. You go to class, or maybe you don’t. You go on a walk, if you live where it doesn’t rain all the time. I happen to live in a place where it does rain all the time, so more often than not, I end up trying to outrun a storm. I’ve never been able to make it back to my house without at least a few raindrops sliding down my forehead. Then it’s time for food. I wouldn’t call it a meal, because you eat about six times a day. Either that, or you only eat once. You do some laundry, but forget to move it over to the dryer, so you have to run the load again. Your mom yells at you for wasting water. Realizing that you forgot to turn in an assignment, you hop back onto your computer, scrambling to beat the electronic deadline. Agenda book who? The screen time on your phone is reaching double digits… Scary.
When I say you, I mean me. This is what I’ve been doing, every day, every week, since I left Tulane on Friday, March 13th. The date itself predicted how unlucky a day it would be for us. Please don’t tell me to use this time as a way to better myself or remind me that I’m lucky that I haven’t been directly affected by COVID-19. I already know that and think about it every day. With all this time I have on my hands now, I could run a marathon. I could become the next Marie Kondo. I could do anything and everything, but my motivational drive is not what it used to be. And you know what? That’s okay. I promise you, by the end of this quarantine, I will not have a six pack. I’m also not going to eat bread by the loaf either. In all honesty, I’m probably going to look exactly the same as I did when quarantine started.
If anxiety levels were quantifiable, I would beat my boyfriend’s high score on every single video game he owns, combined. This world we are living in right now is not the same world I occupied for the first 19 years of my life. Traumatic events prior to this meant my parents were getting divorced. Now I’m glad they’re divorced, because it means I get to socially distance myself at not one, but two houses. I have to constantly remember that living every day with almost no variation or stability is now considered a normal and universal experience. If you currently wish people would stop posting Bill Clinton holding album covers, or old selfies on Instagram to try and feel alive again, I am with you on that one.
But it’s okay, we’ll make it through.