Photograph via stock image from Vecteezy
Society has long celebrated men who are bold, funny, and unapologetically themselves—but when women display these same traits, they’re too often labeled as “outrageous.” Picture a woman whose laugh fills a room, who cracks jokes that push the envelope, who goes after what she wants without holding back. Instead of being admired, she’s likely labeled as aggressive or embarrassing, someone you wouldn’t want to be seen with on a date. In men, this would be considered average; in women, it’s treated as transgressive. This double standard is at the heart of how dating culture undervalues authentic women.
Women like this are often dismissed as just “a good hang.” They’re the comedic relief, the friend, not the romantic lead. Why is that?
Even when men enjoy their company, they’re quick to separate these women from the category of “desirable” or “sexy.” If asked if there’s a romantic interest, the answer is often a defensive, “What? No, that’s so embarrassing.” The message is clear: a woman who is her full, authentic self risks being excluded from the role of an “ideal woman” in the dating world.
Interestingly, when you search for ‘outrageous women’ online, you don’t find criminals or villains; you find athletes, artists, and women who’ve made history. The traits that earn them the label ‘outrageous’ are ambition, talent, and individuality, qualities we admire in men.
We sort women into categories: the quiet, problem-free woman who dresses just right for every occasion, never too provocative, never too plain. But this woman is a myth. In reality, every woman has her own complexities, ambitions, and quirks. Yet, many feel pressured to hide these traits just to fit the mold of the ‘ideal woman.’ The moment a woman lets her true self show, her humor, her drive, her messiness, she risks being branded as ‘too much.’
This isn’t to say that bold, outrageous, authentic women aren’t attractive; far from it. But the moment a woman steps outside the narrow list of what makes her ‘wifey-material,’ everything changes. Dating culture is quick to ask: Can she cook? Can she be a good mom? Can she blend in? But rarely: Can she make me laugh? Can she challenge me? Often, it comes down to intimidation or insecurity, men who feel threatened by a woman’s success or spirit. If being talented, driven, funny, and unapologetically myself makes me outrageous, then I’m determined to be the most ‘insane’ woman I can be.
