A classic line we heard as kids was, “Listen to your parents.” It was an adult’s way of saying “You don’t know what you’re doing.” However, as young adults, nothing is ever so black and white, especially as we battle endless societal pressures. Dating culture today is not at all how it was for our parents’ generation, which is why when you try to explain your noncommittal long-distance semi-exclusive situationship to your mom, she looks at you like you have three heads. This is then followed by lectures about how that behavior isn’t normal, or to just find someone, “You don’t have to even like them that much.” Reflecting on this, I wonder: Who made the rules for how relationships should be?
My answer: No one. Most people’s answer to this question is “society”, which isn’t wrong. However, society is made up of so many different people thinking that their way is the way.
Those who embrace the college life of hookup culture thrive on their free, untethered lifestyle, experiencing people rather than holding on to them. Some people pass shame on the casualness of this type of lifestyle. Usually this judgment comes from the fact that others can’t separate the sex from the emotion, leading to them whispering “slut” behind random girls’ backs. Truly, it’s not for everyone, and that’s fine. No one knows people’s past experiences or what made them not want to be in a committed situation. Fear of past hurt? Embarrassment? Sadness? You don’t know who’s been broken up or cheated on, so don’t go passing judgment on the broken. Or maybe, they just don’t want to be in a relationship. (I know, shocking mom.) Hookup culture can be confusing and complicated, and you might feel pressure to engage or to sit out, so ultimately you should just do whatever you feel is right for you. Remember, people will have an opinion no matter what; whatever you want to do is fine.
Committed relationships. Here I will return to a mother’s quote from before, “You don’t have to even like them that much.” The pressure to be in relationships can lead people to settle for something that isn’t right for them. Adults actively want the younger generations to be in relationships, get married, have kids, etc. They act as if we are behind track, but I think they’re trying to push us forward too fast. People want to be in relationships because they like someone and feel connected to them. Others don’t want that kind of commitment and effort, they don’t want to have to take another person into consideration constantly. Relationships themselves can come with rules about who you can talk to, how you spend your time, who your friends are, how you use social media, if you party, etc. To quote Shakespeare: “To be or not to be… in a relationship… that is the question.” Shakespeare clearly never dated in 2026, so let’s not take our advice from him. Honestly, all you have here is your gut. If you’re unsure if you like your boyfriend, you probably don’t. Blunt, I know. If you get annoyed when your hookup is getting with someone else, you probably want a relationship with them. Again, blunt. Being honest with ourselves and listening to how we feel is crucial. Any pity someone tries to place on you like, “So, are there any actual people in your life?” is simply them projecting insecurity, adhering to the older generation’s mindset about the importance of being in a romantic relationship.
The final mindset, nothing. Not caring, no roster, no situationship, no one you’re talking to, and not being entertained by those hitting on you. Why do we look at this as “sad” or “boring”? Is the only interesting thing in our life who we were hooking up with? The passions we have and things that make up each of our lives are, believe it or not, actually interesting. It’s time to realize that you are more than who you date.
Whether you love hookup culture or hate it, want a relationship or hate commitment, have a roster or none, are chill with your situation or sad when they walk away with another girl; it’s fine. Don’t be ashamed of what you want, because it’s you who has to experience it. Make your own rules for your relationships and don’t let outside opinions sway your emotions. At the end of it all, your mom may have some things to say about your dating life, but she doesn’t have to understand. It’s up to you to make your own rules and your own choices.
