Friday night, Otis makes his way over to the speaker and turns the blasting 2000s music off. He’s rallying people out of the dorm to make their way to the party. Drinks are flowing, smiles are out, and Otis grabs a few of his good friends and gets going. They strut down in their slightly oversized polo shirts and jeans. Hair is combed and fluffed to perfection. Solo cups in hand, Otis and his gaggle make their way closer to the function feeling great and ready for a good time with friends. Hearing the bass get louder, they know they are getting close. Suddenly a group of girls approaches them and infiltrates their conversation. One starts making comments on Otis’ shirt, and his friends’ outfits as well. Otis and his friends start to move on, not wanting to continue the conversation, so they politely keep walking. A girl steps in front of Otis, again making remarks on his outfit and how he’s probably drunk. He’s confused, he liked his outfit and felt confident, and he’s only had maybe one drink that night. He’s accused of being a flirt and is called names like “whore” and “slut” for not wanting to engage. His group makes his way out of the situation feeling very lost. Otis, now insecure with his stylish fit, just wanted to have fun with his friends. The group looked at each other filled with feelings of that isn’t normal. He’s right. That behavior isn’t normal. However, girls experience this exact behavior constantly in party culture, but why as a society have we just accepted it for only them?
Girls and guys on a night out have several similarities but several societal differences. At the end of the day, we all just wanna go out to have a good time with friends and make some memories. Other factors like hook-ups, clothes, substances, and social behavior come into play to complicate our nights. While things like hook-up culture can be an exciting and a fun aspect of going out, it’s packed with double standards. As a society, we always preach about respecting women and personal space, but the same men who are preaching that are the ones pushing up against girls in the club. It’s about personal space- when you pass behind a girl, you don’t need to grab her waist. If a girl is not reciprocating your flirtatious behavior, you don’t need to call her a “b*tch.” But it was just an accident, right? The man, you, was drunk. To cover yourself, you accuse her of being even drunker; that she threw herself at you. Say she did want to hook up with you, she’s now ‘easy’ and ‘ran through.’ If she’s down: she’s labeled as this provocative image that only desires after the male gaze. If she doesn’t want to hookup: She’s a prude, boring, and suddenly ugly when he was the one who approached her. This raises the question, can girls win in casual hookup culture? It’s contradictory and is often blamed on the amount of liquor in either party’s system. My answer: Nope.
Alcohol is a big part of party culture and it can often be centered around that. However, many people choose not to partake in substances when going out and are still able to have fun and participate. From what I’ve noticed, drinking can be made into a social activity, especially for guys and frat culture. The acts of hazing and sociability that are necessary for frats can create peer pressure from authoritative figures; in this case a 19 year old pledge master frat boy probably named Chad, Ben, or Luke. Girls, on the other hand, have a different kind of pressure, not just from some random frat boy with a backwards cap, but society. A night out for a girl is filled with fun drinks, dancing, and tons of double standards. If a girl chooses not to drink she’s labeled as boring, stuck up, and is constantly told to “let loose.” However, if she chooses to have a drink or two and dances a little bit, she’s a drunk, a whore, and “not wife material,” whatever that means. Everything about what she’s doing means something about her, from if she chooses tequila or vodka to how much fabric covers her body. If she chooses to wear a chic high neck and make a fashion statement, she’s suddenly not appealing to the male gaze, or at least that’s what society tells her. If she wears something with her stomach or, god forbid, a shoulder out, it makes her once again a slut. There’s no winning in this situation for her. Men’s clothing seems to also be a new issue with the No Tank Tops For Men At The Boot Rule. Now, I don’t know if this is true or not, and I’ve asked several sources to confirm this for me. Is it because of a fear of femininity? A fear of de-masculating? A fear of shoulders? I challenge a man to wear a tank top to the boot and see the repercussions.
These weird rules we’ve made up were put there for men to feel like they have control over girls in party culture. Men see what they can’t have, and instead of staying respectful towards women and accepting that maybe they don’t want to have sex with you, they become filled with deep insecurity. That insecurity then turns into rage and forms unique vocabulary and phrases like, “You’re not even that hot.” Chad, were you not just flirting with her? We as a society can’t accept this type of language as normal. I encourage girls and guys to clap back when someone speaks to you like this, I promise it will catch them off guard. In reality, there’s really no winning on a night out. At the end of it all, you’ll probably be talked about no matter what you do or wear, so my advice for you is this: wear what you want, let them talk about you, and pack an extra lipgloss for your friend.
