This past October, I realized that this Halloween would be my last before I undeniably become an adult. I’m 19 right now, and though technically you’re an adult at 18, I think you get to count yourself as a teen as long as you’re still in your teens. Though I don’t turn 20 until May, it was still a stark realization that this was my last “childhood” Halloween. This realization, along with the fact that my roommate just turned 20, sent me into a sort of panic. I am six months away from turning 20, yet I don’t feel that different from how I felt at 16. That’s not entirely true; looking back at how old 20 seemed at 16, I definitely am in denial that soon I will no longer be a teenager. I know 20 is not that old, but it can get pretty scary when you’ve told yourself since you were 16 that you will have figured out a life plan by 20, and you’ve still got nothing.
In the midst of my existential panic, which led me to change my major entirely and rethink all my career plans, I bought a plastic tiara on Amazon for 15 dollars. Initially, I bought the tiara for a Halloween costume, the pageant queen on the cover of Hole’s 1994 album Live Through This. At least that’s what I told myself. However, upon its arrival, I found myself wearing it whenever the opportunity presented itself. And it turns out that, if you think about it, any situation is perfect for tiara-wearing. I didn’t give it much thought when I ordered it since finding the tiara was the easiest part of the costume, but when it arrived and I opened the plastic packaging, suddenly I was beaming with excitement. And not just any kind of excitement, but the kind that makes all the colors seem brighter and smells like melting birthday candles and icing sweet enough to make you cringe. After putting the tiara on for the first time, I quickly came to the conclusion that it was the best purchase I’ve ever made. It’s been about six weeks now, and I’ve worn the tiara practically everywhere. From coffee shops to The Commons to cleaning the bathroom, to a rave, the tiara has been with me everywhere. And it’s not just me. Upon trying on the tiara, my friends quickly realized just how magical it was. It becomes a shared tiara rather than just mine.
Now, what does any of this have to do with turning 20? Let alone the existential crisis that has come upon my friends and me whenever we think about entering our 20s? Well, even though I originally bought the tiara as part of a Halloween costume, it became much more than just a $15 plastic prop. Ever since I was around 8 years old and became familiar with the concept of a midlife crisis via some TV show or movie that I was probably too young to have watched, I’ve been afraid of getting older. Oddly enough, it’s never been the death part of getting older that scares me, but more the idea that one day people are gonna stop asking me what my dreams are and instead, ask me what they were. I’ve never wanted to become someone who “had dreams” rather than someone who “has dreams.” So, although I’m not really the right age to be having a midlife crisis, the tiara has become my way of confronting my fear of getting older. I guess growing up, I always thought I’d have accomplished more by 20 or at least that I would have some sort of concrete plan for my life, and so now that I’ve attended two 20th birthday parties in the last month, I suddenly feel like I’m running out of time. If you’re asking yourself how a plastic tiara is possibly the solution to this problem, the answer is, it isn’t. The tiara can’t make the days go slower or the years feel longer, but I think it has made just how fast everything seems to be going a little less scary. Yes, we all get older, and though our parents tell us getting older isn’t any fun, why can’t it be? The tiara, in its own way, has made me appreciate this life a little bit more. Going to a coffee shop or to the grocery store in a tiara will get you some looks, but, honestly, most of them will be smiles. And not only do I enjoy the idea that perhaps seeing me in my tiara brought someone joy, but also the idea that I might have inspired someone else to be just as ridiculous.
As silly as it may seem, the world needs whimsy, whether it’s to combat our fears of aging by reminding ourselves that there is always magic to be found in life, no matter how old we are, or to remember that there is still goodness and beauty in the world that’s worth standing up for. We live in a world where it is often made out to be easier to hate than to love and where having hope is seen as delusional rather than an act of strength. Still, if I have learned anything from wearing a tiara to the grocery store, it’s that there is plenty of love left in this world. Sure, some people saw me in that tiara and probably thought I was crazy, but most people smiled. And so this is my plea to you, dear reader, find some room for the absurd in your day-to-day life, cause it just might change your life. After all, wouldn’t you rather go through this world with a tiara than without one?
