
<p class="wp-block-paragraph">For me, and so many students, anxiety has become a facet of my reality, an unavoidable aspect of my identity that I have grown with, fought against, and ultimately accepted. I&#8217;ve spent years in therapy, alternated between medications, and inevitably have found myself at a point where I feel secure, happy and confident that I can tackle most challenges that come my way.</p>



<p class="wp-block-paragraph">So what happens when all of the thoughts in my head that I&#8217;ve learned to take with a grain of salt invade every conversation? What about when every notification I get on my phone triggers those thoughts? Or when events out of my control seem to indicate the world might be ending?</p>



<p class="wp-block-paragraph">For someone like me, this is very much my worst fear brought to life. I excel in situations that I can control, whether this is a perceived notion or I actually have some ability to influence it. The COVID-19 pandemic has been anything but controlled; no one can determine where it spreads to, whether or not my school shuts down, and it&#8217;s even hard to help the people around me remain calm. Even after 4+ years as a public health student, I find myself feeling completely helpless and desperately searching for something that will give me the slightest relief, even for just a few minutes.</p>



<p class="wp-block-paragraph">Last night my roommates and I huddled around the couch and put on <em>The Truman Show</em>, an indisputably heartwarming and thought-provoking classic. I hadn&#8217;t watched it in a while, and wasn&#8217;t even that excited to sit through it, but I decided to give it a shot. For those of you who haven&#8217;t seen it (and I seriously recommend you do), the film is about a man who since his birth, has lived in a false reality, and everyone knows it but him. His everyday life is filmed for a TV show, which means everything around him is controlled by a producer, all of the people in his life are actors, and his native &#8220;island&#8221; is actually a filming set. The movie is sad in that his whole life is contrived, and everything he thinks is real is actually someone else&#8217;s decision. But, without giving spoilers, it does have a happy ending.</p>



<p class="wp-block-paragraph">Watching this movie with some of my closest friends on one of the numbered nights in our home really made me think, long after I had left the couch and gotten into bed. Throughout the movie, Truman realizes there is something amiss and fights to gain control in his life. Maybe this is a stretch, but aren&#8217;t we all trying to do the same right now?</p>



<p class="wp-block-paragraph">For the couple hours I was snuggled into comfy cushions and smothered in warm blankets, I didn&#8217;t think about Coronavirus. I didn&#8217;t think about whether I would have to travel home or not, or if my cousins&#8217; b&#8217;nai mitzvah would be cancelled, or if I would even graduate. I inadvertently placed myself in the movie, and relinquished the illusion of control I thought I desperately needed over my life. It didn&#8217;t last as long as I wished it would, but it was a start.</p>



<p class="wp-block-paragraph">As I sit here writing this, I feel a cathartic sense of relief that I can channel all of my thoughts and feelings into something, and then send it off like a relief of tension. I also know that we are all capable of doing the same during this challenging time. Take an hour or two to delve into a book you&#8217;ve been trying to finish. Put in some headphones and soak up this beautiful spring weather we&#8217;re having. Just live in your moment right now and accept, with a slight sigh of relief, that we never have total control over what will happen, and sometimes that is a blessing in disguise.</p>



<p class="wp-block-paragraph">Cover Photo: Markham Heid</p>
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Anxiety in the Coronavirus Pandemic
